The bats are in the belfry
The dew is on the moor
Where are the arms that held me
And pledged their love before
~Innocent When You Dream, Tom Waits
Move in closer, pull away. Move in closer, pull away. This was my personal experience of Zen practice. Now, as a long time teacher of Zen, and sitting on the other side of the dokusan cushions, I’ve learned it’s not just my pattern. It seems to be a human pattern.
I get why - moving deep into intimacy, which is what the experience of falling into awakening often feels like, is often accompanied by waves of intense fear. Something in us, the very thing that almost stopped the Buddha, is terrified and will do and say anything to stop us from getting closer. The arms that held us and pledged their love are gone. It’s a dark place.
But, I’ve also learned from personal experience, and from observing people I work with, that if we stick with the work, move in fear, something arises in us, and takes over, and does what we can’t do, let go. And we find ourselves deep in love. The arms that held us and pledged their love, never left. Forever here as promised.
The bats are still in the belfry and the dew still on the moor
Photo: Guy Gaudry, 2010
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